Fear, secrecy, guilt

i had therapy on Thursday. It was strange. I seem to be stuck on something, but something that is so ingrained within me that I'm struggling to combat it.
I've been riding this vicious cycle of fear, secrecy and guilt. Secrecy, guilt, fear. Guilt, fear, secrecy.
No matter how it's ordered, it's irrevocable.


It needs to stop.

.org-anisation

It has been a crazy week at work, I tried my hand out at being boss and I'm not sure if I enjoy it. I adore the control, I love the hours, I'm entertained by the business- I just don't enjoy the silent stuff, the undertones of responsibility.
We had three serious incidents, and, instead of being the person who comforts the child and reports back what happened, I was the person who conducted the investigation.
I didn't enjoy it.

However back to normal work this week, back to the normal routine.
I'm writing out the term plan this weekend and will hopefully get around to crafting some examples.
This is after I organise the linen closet and gain a sense of control over my life.

It's 1.44am and I miss your body pressed against mine. The way we fit together like puzzle pieces. Your arm thrown over my body. Your snores against my neck.

I miss that right now

Around the...

I have been thinking of taking a world wide trip, I mean, I'm unhappy here, and I plan to see the world one day anyway. So why not do it now?
I will have to plan it out logically to see as much as I can, along with visas and such.

I'll be ms Verne

One must not tell lies. 

Or one will lose all credibility as the person they promised to be. 

Too little too late

its heartbreakingly ironic,
That you never loved me when I loved you

When I adored you
When I was obsessed with you
Immersed in you
You never cared for me

It wasn't until you had leapt over the uncrossble line
Did you decide

That you loved me.



     I wish you decided sooner.

It's Monday, it's Monday! Quick time to gather all my shit until it can be truly classified as together.